I have read your essay 3 times now and I like what I am reading. I have never analyzed/examined my thoughts or feelings closely. Actually, I hated psychology in nursing school. I think it scared me. I have gone through life reacting to life, learning from that experience and moving on. Since I don’t self-analyze, I think I learned subconsciously from my experiences and I still do. I love learning whether it is art, cooking, gardening or anything that catches my attention.
I do not have an art background except for a drawing class a few years ago. And that was to satisfy myself that I could indeed draw. Just needed to know and practice some of the fundamental rules of art, like: making shadows, drawing shapes to be realistic and proportional, shading, etc.
I think I do have a Committee and I hear a voice in my head but I think it is my own voice of disapproval I am hearing: “the design is not good, the colors aren’t right, I put too much of this or not enough of that into my work”. I do know I am always looking for approval and acceptance. I know that stems from my early home life, school and a neighborhood peer. No need to go into that, as I realize a lot of my self-doubt stems from that time. Leaving home, graduating from nursing school and becoming successful shut all that junk down for the most part. I believe my insecurity and need for approval all goes back to that time period even though I have accomplished things way beyond my expectations.
Right now, I am feeling a little overwhelmed by all the info I am trying to absorb. If I lean back and close my eyes there is so much info spinning around behind my eyes. I think that will be a good thing once I read lesson 3 over a few more times and absorb more of what you are trying to get across to us and categorize it in my head for future use. Jane, you are definitely making me think and that is good! Thank you!