Interestingly, I couldn't find my committee as I remember it from several years ago. They truly did rule my life up to about 12 years ago which was one of those significant times in my life when I decided to take control. While I am still learning about how to do that, my past committee members, in general, have taken up residence elsewhere. So I started to think about how my internal dialogue occurs now. Yes, some echos still come through but fainter and fainter each year as I spend more and more time in my studio ... a space I absolutely love! where I am surrounded by love as my husband built it for me (a strawbale studio with a recently added wet work room both filled with light from our antique stained glass window collection). In fact, not to spend time in the studio would be an insult to his efforts as I can see how much he enjoys my enjoyment of the space.
I still work part-time but am lucky enough to do that from home (hey, since 12 years ago..mmm) but it is only this year that I have moved my home office into my studio space so I am constantly surrounded by all my preciousnnesses and when I need a mental break I can get up from my desk and do a 15 minute felting sprint. All this has any committee member daring to stick their head in only to a find the door slammed in their face.
In my art work, I set out to challenge myself to grow and explore especially over the past 3 years and this has done more positive things for my internal self talk than I would have imagined. I now constantly amaze myself (ok yes, so maybe my mother still gets a look in every so often as in her opinion I couldn't do anything well) but it is a satisfying amazement about how much I know, how creative I am and a self recognition as to how that creative side has to be fed in order to support my outside work which also has strong creative elements to it.
Well my students for the weekend have just arrived so the day begins but I have enjoyed this reflection and am surprised at my own personal growth that has occurred without my realising it. That old adage of never too old to learn certainly holds true more times than not.