Khurshid B.

DISMANTLING THE COMMITTEE?

I think I have far too many people on my committee including myself.  I adored my Dad and always wanted him to be proud of me and my achievements; he was never judgemental about my work; on the contrary, he always encouraged me to do my own thing.  So I would never ‘sack’ him, he is too important to me even though he has been dead for many years. There are many more people in my committee; I have been going to a studio environment for years and both tutors are definitely on my committee.  Unfortunately I do care what people think and I quite often feel that most people’s work is far better than mine.  I think that comes from my school days and being the youngest cousin in an extended family environment did not help.

Having said all this, I am getting better at standing up for what I believe.  I remember two years ago one of my tutors insisted that this piece was not good enough because a) there was no story; b) the viewer didn’t have an entrance or exit from the place c) no focal point and I could continue this long list; she was very scathing.  So you can imagine my delight when it was accepted into a juried exhibition, has toured around Europe and certain parts of USA.  I didn’t accept what she said as healthy criticism because I truly felt the piece had potential but the main thing was that I LIKED IT.  I still listen to my peers and critics but if I feel that I like what I have done then that’s all that matters.    It doesn’t happen that often but when it does, it’s a good feeling. Unless I am making something for a specific person or event, then the end decision should be mine, however difficult it is for me. 

People think I am strong and feisty but I have trained myself to be so but I do care what people think and I shouldn’t care so much.  I know what Jane has said is very true but knowing and doing are two different things.

I belong to a quilting group and yes, a few of them including the present Chairman are on my committee – not because they hinder my work as such, but because they drive me to despair and thinking about them and what they expect of me, takes up a lot of my time.  Hopefully I can get rid of them soon because they are a pain in the backside!

Last but by no means least is my own family.  I don’t think they mean to be hurtful but they are and they are the hardest to remove because I would do anything for them.  My husband wants me to spend time cleaning and tidying the house – and he is within his rights because I am messy and I tend to spread my things.  Unfortunately I can’t sack him – he’s mine for better or worse....

One good thing from writing this is that I recognise the committee members and I know that it is up to me to get rid of them – slowly.  (And there are quite a few more on this list)