Anne W.

My committee is made up of ANYBODY I perceive as a professional or a success, or who even just appears to know what they're doing and present themselves with apparant confidence. I always feel a fraud and acquiesce to my perception of where they are. Annoyingly this is absolutely in spite of the fact I know my view of them is MY perception and not necessarily their reality.

I know I am projecting my internalised paternal, maternal (especially maternal), teacher critics onto whoever 'fills' that position in my current life. If I step 'out' or 'forward' or show myself I will be immediately seen for the fraud that I am and 'shot down', just the thought of the 'the look' will do it. I have known all this for some time but can't seem to 'shift' it!!! 

How do I shift this highly critical, judgemental, 'Who do you think you are?' 

One of the things I keep telling myself is that I never think that of anyone else. I love looking at oher people's work and enjoy the immense variety of skill and creativity and ability others appear to have to 'show' their work, so why on earth do I think others will think of me in this way? In fact I know I have absolutely no idea whatsoever of what anyone else might be thinking and that IF anyone is judging me, that is their view, their opinion. It is their stuff and has nothing to do with me.

So how do I clear them out of my workspace once and for all?

What do I need to say to get them to leave?

The thoughts, words, judgements I am projecting onto them are MINE, totally MINE, so what do I say to ME about this?

"Get over yourself!" I also say "Thank you and goodbye", as I 'return' all that energy back to the people I took/take it from, expanding and freeing up all that 'space' within me to fill with my own creative energies, thoughts and ideas!!

Wow! That felt quite cathartic! 😆