Deb S.

I can think of a few people in my life that have been on “my committee”.  I have found that they are either jealous or couldn’t care a hoot about me.  One person I did seek acknowledgement from was my older sister.  Unfortunately she viewed me as the “golden child”, although her nick name for me as a child was “Little H”, for little horrible.  She was an art major and introduced me to quilting.  When I got  involved with fabric art I thought maybe we could re-connect with a common ground.  But unfortunately she no longer had any interest or any creative outlet.  We have been able to talk about this and I have a better understanding of her.  I no longer have any expectations of support from her.  So that is one way to dismantle.

Occasionally I have taken something as a personal slam when it was not intended for that purpose. Probably the person would not remember the incident, as I am not an important person in their life. If I take offense, it’s important not to spread negative judgements about them.  I have found if I seek to know them better I will better understand their intensions.  

Fear of embarrassment or rejection are real.  We want love, respect and acknowledgment from others.  I’ve struggled to overcome an unrealistic feeling of inadequacy my entire life.  I think a part of this  feeling rests with perfectionism and it’s unattainability.  Yes, It feels good when people I don’t even know tell me how much they like my work.  But when a gallery curator tells me to make things that will appeal to the local market, I do not follow that advise.

I think I should destroy the voice in my head that repeats a 60+ year old saying that hung on the wall of my piano teacher, 

“Good, 

    Better, 

        Best. 

            Never let it rest, 

                       Until the good is better and the better best!”

The best strategy I have found for dismantling the committee is to find someone that can provide a  “safety zone”.  For me this is my husband who is no artist!  He just lets me rant and rave, he may offer his opinion, but if I choose to ignore it, he doesn’t take offense.  The promise he made me when he got me to accept his marriage proposal 50 years ago, was that he would encourage my independence, and he has kept his word.   I know I can be  conflict avoidant.  Sometimes that is an advantage, but if it really matters to me I will do what I need to do!  I you pick my battles, much in life is not that serious.  Save your energy for the really important stuff and be true to yourself!