I was relieved to read Jane’s first line in the essay for week 3--that building creative stamina takes time.
Whew! Although I have not used those words or called it that, I have firsthand knowledge of the need to find it and how hard it is to hang onto if I do get a hold of it. I have had many starts and restarts working along these lines trying to find my footing, my place...my voice. Sometimes the progress is undetectable, sometimes, a giant revelation. I’m always willing to try again. I can’t help myself. I’ve given up a lot over the years to keep my studio and I know I can’t live without it. And now I know it’s because it’s part of my Sacred Contract, part of who I am.... (I am reading Myss’s book now, btw, and it is a life changer, just as you suggested, Jane). I am a weaver by training and my primary focus has always been there. But after 2 years of dealing with a couple of personal tragedies, I’m finding it’s not enough to just weave now.
So this class comes at a perfect time for me. And I view it as no mistake or ‘lucky break’. The universe gives us what we need when we are ready, if we choose to pay attention and accept it. I know that to be true. I know from other work that my 3rd and 6th chakras need attention, that I have lots of work to do to even begin to approach my potential. I’m ready for the challenge.
I refrained from reading anyone else’s statement this week until today so as not to be guided by anything anyone said. I wanted to ‘me do it’ – a rebel phrase of mine as a child my mother was particularly annoyed with. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, writing, reading and evaluating this week. It’s not the first time for me to hear of the committee and dismantling it. All the usual suspects; authority figures (parents, teachers), judgers (other artists), friends, myself - they’ve all been at The Table. Only now after realizing I am alone on this journey can I leave them behind without feeling their staggering looks or disappointments. I have finally reached the point where I really don’t care what they think of me or my work. It’s what I have to do. That feels good!
So as we start this very auspicious Chinese New Year, the year of the Fire Monkey, it is with great joy that I embark on this new leg of my journey. Just as many Chinese wait for a Monkey year to birth their children, I think it’s highly appropriate I reinvent myself this year. I have cleared my committee except for the chairwoman, which would be me, and several friends whose names all comically start with “J”. They are all standing in the doorway to my studio and I am elbowing my way through that cluster, gently pushing them aside, and telling them to go home. I have work to do.