Lesson Three - Marilyn H.

Dismantling the committee.  Yippee, I have been looking forward to this one as I know I have a bossy committee!

My mum, she died 15 years ago but still sits there proudly on my committee. I am still trying to prove that I can be academic as well as practical.

J - you are there too and I think that is because you are the academic that I would like to be.  Always asking why? What is it about?

B and L - I wanted guidance and help to grow but the constant questioning and challenging was too much and broke my spirit.  That doubt still lurks there in the background.

T and others – They look at my work as if it is crazy, nuts, bonkers!  They don’t say a word but that is part of the problem.  I feel them disapproving, thinking I am producing rubbish.

So mum off you go and rest, now is my time.  I don’t need to prove myself anymore.

J is following her own path, a path that suits her. She is a valued friend but now I am going to follow a path of my own, which suits me.

B and L I don’t know where you learnt your teaching methods, they weren’t the same as the ones I learnt which said that positive criticism and encouragement got the best results.  Well you can keep them.  They aren’t going to affect me any longer.

T and others if you don’t understand my work and aren’t interested in finding out about it then it’s your problem not mine.

Now I see that this is all about me! It demonstrates a lack of trust in my own ability.  I must believe in myself and not search for approval from others, taking too much notice of what they say, do and think.  I need to trust in myself and believe that by doing what I enjoy I will produce work that is uniquely mine.  It is only then that it will be a true expression of my inner self.