Lesson Three - Leslie B.

This week's assignment has been in my thoughts for the entire week ... 

I confess, I am my own committee. Mostly, I am a committee of one which sounds like a perfect arrangement .... The me of the committee is highly critical, sometimes quite mean. I am the one that tells me that what I am doing is not good enough. I think this criticism comes from the same place as making fun of one's own shortcomings before someone else does (belittle my abilities before someone else does). I think that I did this a lot as a child who felt like she didn't fit in.

Didn't fit into what? Not good enough for what? My parents (especially my Dad) always thought that I could do almost anything that I wanted; I am (mostly) surrounded by family, friends and others that think very highly of me ... My skills, talents, and abilities ... 

I am the one that thinks that I am a fraud, not worthy of referring to myself as an artist; that my endeavours are good enough. But, there is no test to be taken, no keeper of the titles telling me that I am not allowed to call myself an artist.  

All is not lost ... All of this mulling over has me thinking why has 'she' always been so critical? Nothing constructive, just criticism. Maybe I have trained her too well and maybe it is time for me to start a bit of retraining ... I don't expect this to happen overnight as I have been playing this role for a very long time ... Acknowledgement is a start, right?