This week was particularly helpful. I identified 3 definites for my committee and I suspect I’m not finished with this task, there quite possibly could be others. One is a family member who is so overbearing that she just had to show up. Surprisingly (to me) the other two are people that I admire very much. They both work at a level in the art world that I see as beyond me which clearly is the reason why they are here in my head!
To be honest I feel like an imposter much of the time. When I feel myself hoping or reaching or dreaming of moving my practice forward I feel myself withdraw and I tell myself that I’m getting too big for my boots (a phrase you used Jane that made my hair stand on end).
These 2 committee members represent my deep rooted fears that I’m just not good enough. This is really hard to change and yet I know it is why I avoid doing the work. To be honest I have a feeling that my character is just not suited to being an artist. I am pretty introverted, I am not an exhibitionist and yet a massive part of what I do involves putting work on a wall for people to see, to analyse and judge. This is torture for a shy person like me. A level of confidence is needed to promote the work we do but I truly believe this is beyond me. To cover up this deficiency I only involve myself in group shows, I hide in plain sight. I clearly need to change this way of thinking if I want to realise the potential I secretly think I just might have.