I've been doing a little energy healing with a amazing local woman over the past few years. When we have a "talking"session it usually is about someone from my committee that has taken the wheel and run riot with my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I can identify a lot of my different behaviors with a particular character or characters on my committee board. A lot of these people from my committee have molded me into who I am today, which is great but only because I'm willing enough to explore my reaction to them and then start to change for the better.
For instance I was cleaning out my closet yesterday and I actually saw a laid out time line within my old hanging clothes on the rack. It was a time during my life where I was extremely fear based and insecure as to who I was suppose to be as a new member to my husbands family. I was new to his well groomed, locally well know and highly regarded family. Anyone could see my position but I had zero guidance from a pre existing woman in his family. We were invited to a lot of high fluent cocktail and political parties and of course I had nothing to wear. Prior to meeting my husband I didn't have a whole lot of money nor was I all that concerned about how I dressed, a comfy hoodie and flip flops was just fine and still is in my opinion and his too! Anyways, i would attend these parties wearing something completely anti-me and it was unbearable to say the least. I would torchere myself and compare myself to this other woman in his family and always place myself as runner up next to her style and grace. Why I felt I had to compete is a whole different story and different character from my committee. Anyways, It drove me into a ridiculous spending frenzy and buying things for the "just in case" reason. Unsure of who I was and what was acceptable in this new lifestyle that I married into it literally drove me insane. I remember I would be shopping and thinking of that woman and her over the top dress style and all the people that just admired her sharpness in attire. I'd imagine she would take the spot light again if I didn't buy all these clothes that were without a doubt show stoppers (ugly). So I bought nonsense clothes in hopes of acceptance from her and the others at the parties. Even now that I feel confident with my style and know I look sharp in my attire to this day she has never complimented a single outfit and probably never will. That's her issue and her own committee she must deal with.
Back to cleaning out my closet, I saw my timeline hanging there and all these ugly clothes that are not me at all and so girly. ( I'm defiantly not girly or preppy, I'm more dark and mysterious with a touch of rock star). Needless to say, those clothes are in my donated pile and ready to be dropped off at the local mission. Maybe someone will get good use out of them, I know they sure taught me a healthy lesson. I've done much work on figuring out who my committee is and why, I must do this continually in order to evolve into my true self. I'm progress in the making and I've come very far but life is a lesson in itself and their will always be someone in the committee chair now and again until I take the wheel back. What I've learned from that particular person from my committee is that I'm the only one that can wear my shoes ( literally) so I might as well be comfortable in them. I need to stay true to myself and accept myself no matter what.