Susan M.

I have lots of support from people I care about – in spirit and in practical ways. My parents were family oriented, kind, gave attention when attention was due but allowed a lot of freedom otherwise. They laughed a lot and didn’t see any use for shame or guilt in parenting. Such luck! Even though they’ve been gone for years, they’re allowed in my studio and on my committee anytime.

But, when I first took up textiles, I felt/imagined my artist colleagues looking over my shoulder. Over time, I got rid of them. And, their responses were positive, anyway. But, negative or positive, it was inhibiting to have them in my head.

Today, it seems like there are usually two people in my studio and on the committee – me the creator and me the evaluator, the judge. That can be useful, at times, but me the evaluator shows up TOO frequently. And, it’s hard to get rid of the evaluator me when the creator needs to be alone. Me as judge might focus on technique or composition or choice of material. Okay, fine. But, me the evaluator also butts in about content, asking – “Do I really have anything to say?” And, in that question, suggesting the answer – “Probably not.” Ugh! I want to call a moratorium, and am not quite sure how to do it. I’m going to begin just by noticing when the evaluator me is talking, noticing that what she/I’m saying isn’t really that interesting. A start.