Carla D.

This week has been an interesting time of thinking and writing about my committee.  Top of my list is my dead mother who was not very supportive about anything I did.  I internalized a lot of negatives about myself that come out with my voice saying:

    1. No one is interested in my work.

    2. No one will listen to me and I will continue to stay in the background being quiet.

    3. My work is crap so why bother with it.

    4. If I'm not making what other art quilters expect (three layers with lots of quilting), I will become disconnected from my tribe.

    5. I'm not as good as other quilters- they have more skills, they have more money, they travel to interesting places, etc.

My mother used to say "You were the best thing that ever happened to me."  Recently I replied to her, "You were not the best thing that ever happened to me".  I felt much better after that.

Second person on the Committee is my eldest son Nathan.  Nate is an egg tempera painter and has gotten a lot of recognition because he is very good.  He recently received a prestigious award.  I admire him and long for him to be proud of what I do but to him art quilts are "craft" and not fine art.  He has no idea how he has hurt me in the past and because I love him, I have never told him.  I have been to all or most of his openings and have been so supportive ever since he was three years old when I knew he was an artist. He has never been to any shows that have my work. This week I decided to take him to the Bellevue Art Museum where my Quilt guild has a small show.  I have a piece in that show but I want him to see all the work and just how beautiful it is.  These art quilts are ART! Making art can be a struggle but when I am in the "Zone", I feel close to the Creator (whatever or whomever that is).  That is when I am happiest.  I started a new quilt this week and have been listening to my thoughts as I have worked.  Will show it when finished.